Tuning Up Tired Marriages | Part 2

Guest (Male): As husbands and wives, what are our obligations toward one another? Listen to Adrian Rogers.
Adrian Rogers: What does a husband owe to the wife? He owes her love. He owes to her leadership. He owes to her loyalty. What does the wife owe to the husband? A submissive relationship, a supporting relationship, a sharing relationship. Try it. I promise you, on the authority of the Word of God, it'll put music in your marriage. And it'll tune up a tired marriage.
Guest (Male): Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring the timeless truth of the Gospel found in the practical teaching of Adrian Rogers. In part one of today's message, we discussed the music of marriage. The man takes the lead and the woman takes the harmony. Yet, over time, marriages may fall out of tune. As our relationships endure hardships, and children and other life changes, we may find ourselves tired and worn. How do we put the music back in our marriages? If you have your Bible, turn to Ephesians chapter 5, beginning at verse 22, as Adrian Rogers shares part two of this encouraging message, tuning up tired marriages.
Adrian Rogers: Many do not have a magnificent marriage. Many do not even have a mediocre marriage. Many have a miserable marriage. Now, I want us to do something about that because the devil knows that if he can hurt us at home, he can hurt us all over. He can hurt us everywhere. He can hurt us in the church, in the school, in society, in the nation, if he has hurt us at home. And so, Satan, and you know it is true, levels his biggest artillery at our homes. Isn't that right? Indeed, that is true. Now that doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. It may mean that you're doing something right, and the devil is trying to stop it. Now, what Christ is to the church, the husband is to be to his wife. And what the church is to Christ, then the wife is to be to her husband. With that in mind, gentlemen, let's start with you first. I'll start with me. What am I to do if I would tune up my marriage? Well, I am to be to Joyce what Jesus is to the church. I am to give to Joyce what Jesus gives to the church. Now, that means three major things. First of all, it means leadership. Look, if you will, in verse 23, for the husband is the head of the wife. Do you see that, lady? Do you see that, sir? The husband is the head of the wife. How is he the head of the wife? As Christ is the head of the church. Did you know Jesus never makes me do anything? And sir, you're going to be in severe difficulty if you think that when the Bible says you are the head, you read that to say, "I am the boss. I am the dictator." No, no, no, no. Jesus is not the dictator of the church. He's the head of the church. And if the wife refuses to follow, then we're going to see that she's going to reap repercussions. But he never forces me to do anything. And any husband who takes that attitude of the dictator is going to see that his home is in severe trouble. He goes around using the Bible as a club rather than a sword saying, "I am the head. Submit!" We talk a lot about the chain of command in the home. It's not so much the chain of command as it is the chain of responsibility. To be the head means that you accept the responsibility. Sir, on your desk as a husband is a sign which says, "The buck stops here." And I want to tell you, mister, if your home is wrong, it is probably because you are wrong. That brings me to the second thing. Look at it here if you will in verse 25. Not only does he tell the husbands to lead, but he tells the husbands to love. Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church. Now, what kind of love is this? We think of romance. He's not talking about romance here at all. What kind of love is this? First of all, it is passionate love. Now, romance may be included, but he's not talking about it here. The word for love here is not the word for erotic love. It is for sacrificial, self-giving love. Passionate love. You see, Jesus loved the church enough to die for the church. You ought to love your wife enough to die for her. Oh, you say, "I do." Well, do you? I'll tell you one way I can find out, do you live for her? Don't come around here telling me you die for her if you don't live for her. You see, a man willing to die for his wife shows it by the way that he lives for his wife. And you don't have to die physically to die to your pride, ambition, ego, and your own particular proclivities and put your wife first. You ought to love her with a protecting love. And you need to protect her in many ways. You need to protect her emotionally. You need to protect her physically. She is not physically as strong as you. That doesn't mean that she is not worth as much as you are because the Bible calls her the weaker vessel. Silk is worth more than denim, but it's more fragile, but more beautiful, more delicate. But you see, dear friend, God has given the husband to protect. And listen, you owe her providing love. Look, if you will, in verse 29, because here's the way you protect. For no man ever hated his own flesh. He nourishes his flesh. He cherishes his flesh, even as the Lord the church. Now, to cherish, I told you already in this series, means to warm with body heat. And to nourish means to nurture. It means to feed, to mature. You see, when you're cold, don't you want to be warmed? And when you're hungry, don't you want to be fed? What the Apostle Paul is saying by divine inspiration is, see to it that her needs are met. Seek to satisfy her as you would want yourself satisfied. And strangely, you will be satisfied. You see, a man, I tell you, is sick who does not want to care for his own body. And a man is committing suicide who does not care for his own body. And a man is committing matrimonial suicide who does not care for the needs of his wife. The problem is that, gentlemen, we fail to think of our wives as a part of us. I mean, we think of them as apart from us. So many a man thinks of his wife as a possession, like his car. And when he gets a new car, he shows it off. Dear friend, your wife is a part of you, just like we're part of the Lord Jesus Christ. Look in verse 30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. Friend, I want to tell you, when you hurt, Jesus hurts. He's touched with the feeling of your infirmity. And so it is that husbands are to love their wives. Now, here's a third thing, mister, you owe your wife. Not only do you owe to her leadership, you're the head. Not only do you owe to her love. You owe to her loyalty. Loyalty. Look at it in verse 30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. And for this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife. The word literally means welded, fused to his wife. And they two shall be one flesh. The word leave speaks of the priority of marriage. The word be joined speaks of the permanence of marriage. One flesh speaks of the purpose of marriage. It's all right there. That's God's plan. It is loyalty. Again, I want to say, the highest of all human relationships, contrary to popular opinion, is not mother-child, nor is it child-parent. It is husband and wife. Hope you understand that. There is no other human relationship like this. Never, ever is it said of anyone else that they are one flesh. And so that speaks of the priority of marriage and to be joined speaks of the permanence of marriage. Divorce is never the plan of God. Never the plan of God. You show me a young married couple that get married with divorce as an option, I'll show you a home that has a great, great potential for disintegration. You just take the word divorce and cut it out of your dictionary. Just cut it out of your mind. You say, "But if we have problems, maybe we ought to get a divorce and start all over again." Listen to me. Couples that get divorced and couples that don't get divorced have basically the same kinds of problems. The difference is not in the problems that people have. The difference is in the word commitment. Commitment. It is not your love that sustains your marriage. Now, if you don't hear anything else, you listen to me. It is not your love that sustains your marriage. It is your marriage that sustains your love. Marriage is a commitment. Somebody says, "Well, I owe it to myself to be happy." What do you mean you owe it to yourself to be happy? When you in the marriage altar, you made a vow. You owe it to God to keep your vow. You owe it to your wife. You owe it to your children. The Bible says, "What God hath therefore joined together." Let not man put asunder. You say, "Well, it's happened to me already." Take the broken pieces and give them to God. You can't unscramble eggs. I'm not trying to make you feel that I'm heaping more sorrow and more pain upon your head. I'm not trying to do that. But I'm trying to tell you couples that are married right now that that you need to find a way to work it out in the grace of God. Do all that you can do to work it out in the grace of God. There's only one higher commitment. It's not business, it's not your position, it's not your service. There are some men more committed to the family store or to the business than they are to their wives. My dear friend, one flesh speaks of the purpose of marriage. We come together. We're not just talking about physically one flesh. If that's all one flesh means to you, just a sexual union. Oh, my friend, there's little difference in that and animals cohabitating together. That's not love, that's lust. I don't care how much moonlight and roses there may be. What our Lord is saying here, one flesh, how spiritually. One flesh psychologically. One flesh physically. And the marriage relationship of coming together where there is the blending of lives and and the union of bodies is going to be either the nicest or the nastiest of all human relationships. That lawn in front of your house, that beautiful sod, that's that's that's so pretty there. If somebody gets a shovel and takes part of it and throws it on the living room rug, it's just plain dirt. It all depends on where it is and what it is. Marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled. But adulterers and whoremongers God will judge. God is not trying to keep you from sex. God is trying to keep sex for you. And every time God says, "Thou shall not," he's just saying, "Don't hurt yourself." And every time God says, "Thou shall," he's saying, "Help yourself to happiness." When the Bible says, "Flee fornication, thou shall not commit adultery." God is not a prude. God loves you so much. He wants you to have the best. You kids, listen to this old preacher now. Save yourself for the one you married. You'll be so glad you did. So glad you did. You eat your cake now, you'll have a crummy tomorrow. Brother, stay pure. The Bible teaches premarital chastity, postmarital fidelity, and a man-woman relationship only. That's God's plan. You're not going to improve on it. My dear friend, you're not going to change it. God's not going to bend his rules for you or anybody else. One flesh. All the kids today talk about free love. Friend, is not free. There's no such thing as free love. Jesus loves the church. It wasn't free. He died for the church. That's what love is. It's commitment. It is not free. And these kids talk about going all the way. The sad thing is that's just what they don't do. They don't go all the way. All they do is to go a part of the way and disgrace and debauch and besmirch something that is so wonderful and so beautiful. For this cause, shall a man leave his father and his mother. That's the priority of marriage. And cleave unto his wife. That's the permanence of marriage. And they two shall be one flesh. That is the purpose of marriage. And therefore, a husband owes to his wife loyalty, loyalty. Loyalty. Let's look and see what the relationship of a wife to her husband is if you just tune up a tired marriage. First of all, her relationship is to be as the church is to Christ, a submissive relationship. Go back to Ephesians chapter 5 and look in verse 22, would you? Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord. How opposite this is to the ways of the world. Women say, "You mean I'm going to submit to him? Not me! Not me! I'm not submitting to anybody. I know my rights." Dear friend, when you talk about your rights, the other one, you you're so foolish. Because, you see, as a Christian, you don't have any rights. What rights does a dead man have? We're crucified with Christ. We belong to him. We're not our own. We're bought with a price. But the second thing is that when you refuse God's plan, you don't help yourself. You hurt yourself. I mean, for example, let's look at feminism, the feminist movement. Now they have many good arguments. I mean, much of feminism is a rebellion against men that have failed. And I admit that. But we need to correct the problem and not throw away the word of God. You see, listen. God loves you, dear lady. God loves you. What has the wisdom of this world done for us? Are homes better today because of the feminist movement? I'm talking about the unwillingness to assume the God-given place in the home. Are our homes better? Of course not. Of course not. You see, when a woman fails to submit according to God's plan, first of all, she's going to have problems with God. Hey, by the way, if you're a feminist here, I mean one of these radical feminists who don't accept what God has written here. Don't write me any letters. Just take the time when you write the letter and just read Ephesians 5 and then write God a letter if you want to, okay? I am talking to you, dear friend, about the word of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands. You'll have difficulty with God because you're in rebellion against God. You're going to have difficulty with your husband. You will never be to your husband what God made you to be and God made you to be a helpmeet for him. You are to be his completer, not his competitor. And you're going to have difficulty with your children. And I'll tell you why, because God only gives authority to those who are under authority. And if you never learn to be under, God will never make you over. You will never have authority in the home. You are building rebellion into the lives of your kids. And you will pay dearly for failing to obey the word of God. But I'll tell you what else, not only are you going to have difficulty with God, not only are you going to have difficulty with your husband, not only are you going to have difficulty with your children. My dear friend, you're going to have personal difficulty because you're never going to have your deepest needs truly met. Yours, number one, my friend, is a submissive relationship. That does not mean that you are inferior one wit. Submission does not mean inferiority, any more than I'm inferior to a policeman when I turn right and he tells me to turn right. He's just simply in that case, the delegated appointed authority. Secondly, not only do you owe to your husband a submissive relationship, but you owe to him a supporting relationship. Jesus has given his work to us. To us. I mean, he has no hands but our hands. He has no feet but our feet. And I am here because I love my Lord in submission to my Lord but supporting my Lord. And I am a part of him. I want his name exalted. I want his cause to go up. Lady, that's your relationship to your husband, a submissive relationship, a supportive relationship. But oh, listen, a sharing relationship. Look at it. Look at it here in the word of God. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, of his bones. What a wonderful, wonderful relationship Christ and the church share. The most intimate of all relationships. There's emotional sharing. There's financial sharing. He has committed his riches to me. There is responsibility sharing. He has given the great commission to me. Hey, mister, you've got rooms to rent upstairs unfurnished if you don't bring your wife in. And share with your wife. There is nothing that Jesus doesn't share with the church. He said, "I don't call you anymore servants but friends. The servant doesn't know what his master does." Our Lord manifest himself to us. And therefore, husbands and wives are to share together. You say, "Well, Brother Rogers, I don't want that." I'll tell you what I want, pastor. I want to be free. You do? May I ask you a question? When is a train more free? When it's on the tracks or when it's off the tracks trying to go through the meadow? You see, God's plan, God's way, is not the way to stultify you, not the way to head you off. It is God's way to give you glorious, glorious liberty. What does the husband owe to the wife? He owes her love. He owes to her, dear friend, leadership. He owes to her loyalty. What does the wife owe to the husband? A submissive relationship. A supporting relationship. A sharing relationship. Try it. I promise you, on the authority of the word of God, it'll put music in your marriage. And it'll tune up a tired marriage. Let's pray. Father God, I pray, Lord, that you'd help us to learn, just to learn what your word says. Lord, I'm not trying this morning to be cute or creative, but just, dear Lord, to take your word and explain it. Lord, I pray that husbands and wives together today will just come to make the commitment, Lord, that you want us to make. In Jesus' holy name. Amen.
Guest (Male): And our prayer here at Love Worth Finding is that if you are married, this message by Adrian Rogers has given you a glimpse of how to get a tune-up for a tired marriage. Now, you may have questions regarding your faith in Jesus Christ today. If that's you, we'd love to offer you an insightful resource on the website. It's our Find Answers page. There you'll find resources and materials that will answer questions you may have about your relationship with God. We also want to invite you to check out our Grow Your Faith page. You can get grounded and dig deeper in your faith. If you'll go to lwf.org/radio and click the tab that says Grow Your Faith or Find Answers. We can't wait to hear from you today. Again, go to lwf.org/radio.
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